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Charles Long
Charles Long

Forgiving Others Is Important, But What About Forgiving Yourself


If you are hesitant to forgive, Dr. Enright encourages asking yourself this question: How is not forgiving yourself or others affecting your life? Are you having trouble sleeping? Is it causing you anxiety or depression? Do you feel angry or irritated all the time? With this in mind, you can think of what you may have to gain from forgiveness.




Forgiving Others Is Important, But What About Forgiving Yourself



Forgiveness is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. It is hard to forgive others, but it is even harder to forgive ourselves. We are our own worst critic and we can be very unforgiving when it comes to our own mistakes.


Making mistakes is part of being human. But instead of beating yourself up over them, try to see them as opportunities for learning and growth. Forgiving yourself can help you to do this. In addition, it can also help you to be more understanding and forgiving of others when they make mistakes.


Forgiving yourself is tough. Sometimes, it can be even harder than forgiving someone else. While learning to acknowledge errors and move forward can be difficult, the more you do it the easier it becomes.


Knowing how to forgive yourself is important because it fosters a healthy self-esteem and helps you feel comfortable forgiving others, too. Denying forgiveness leaves you stuck in the past and can lead to feeling depressed about former mistakes and anxious about future ones.


It is inevitable in life that we will be treated badly by someone else. Some of these actions against us can be forgiven and we can move on from them, others can take us time to forgive, work through and understand, and some can seem unforgivable. Forgiving others can seem challenging; however what can be more difficult is to find the courage within our minds, hearts and souls to forgive ourselves. This article aims to look at why we find it so hard to forgive others, learning to forgive ourselves and the benefits of forgiving others. It also aims to discuss why forgiveness is good for mental health.


Inherently, forgiving oneself is far more difficult than forgiving others. We can hold onto our resentments and anger and choose not to forgive because it can serve as a protection against being hurt in the future. We can become caught up in a web of anger and hurt, where we treat ourselves harshly and feel that we must be perfect or that we cannot make mistakes. However, we are human, and to be human is to make mistakes and learn from them.


Responding to hate, anger or mistreatment with kindness, love and compassion is probably one of the most difficult things that can be asked of us, however being able to do so brings forth great results and personal gain. So, how do we go about being able to forgive others for what they have done? Below are a few tips to increase your ability to forgive others.


The path toward reconciliation can also be described as a lifelong journey going in two directions: inward, towards self-discovery and reconciling with suffering, and outward, toward recognizing and perhaps forgiving others. It is both an intrapersonal and an interpersonal exercise, each aspect advancing the more deeply a person discovers that reconciliation is possible both within and without.


It is also worth noting that self-forgiveness is different from forgiving someone else in one important way, in that it must be about reconciliation. When you forgive another, reconciliation is a choice; but an important part of forgiving yourself is to integrate your previously unacceptable characteristics so that you can accept all of who you are without self-sabotaging, which can lead to self-abuse or any type of addiction.


Learning to forgive yourself gives you the freedom to heal, let go, and move on. It is a tool that allows you to become more self-aware. Moreover, some believe that you cannot forgive another until you have learned self-compassion and self-forgiveness. In this sense, forgiveness is a movement of compassion; and learning to forgive yourself is an important step in learning to become a forgiving person.


In this hotly contested territory, the only thing I know for sure is that the act of forgiving is fluid and active and can change from day to day, hour to hour, depending on how you feel when you wake in the morning or what triggers you encounter during the day.


Self-compassion goes beyond just forgiving yourself when you've made a mistake, says Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. Self-compassion, she says, can be applied to any situation of emotional distress.


Self-forgiveness can be a way to let yourself off the hook, says Wohl, who has written about "the good, the bad and the ugly" of self-forgiveness ("Social and Personality Psychology Compass," 2014). For example, some people engage in what Wohl calls "pseudo self-forgiveness," forgiving themselves for wrongdoing without really taking responsibility for whatever it was they did wrong. A graduate student might miss a deadline for a class assignment and forgive him- or herself for doing so, but believe deep down that the real transgression was made by the professor who didn't allow enough time for the assignment. "That student isn't taking on the amount of responsibility he or she should," says Wohl.


So if you shift the focus away from how you hope a situation plays out to focusing on embracing whatever comes, you will stand a better chance of successfully forgiving yourself and moving on to the next stage of your recovery.


Commit to replacing the negative thoughts and behaviors with more appropriate ones that are in keeping with the morals and values you just identified. By so doing, you'll reaffirm to yourself that you can handle situations the way you want to. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a huge part of building self-esteem and forgiving yourself.


Furthermore, make amends to restore damage and repair trust, if possible. Accept the possibility that the other side may not be ready to forgive you. However, repairing damage and restoring trust are essential parts of forgiveness, even if you are forgiving yourself.


To reclaim your mental tranquility, is the straightforward response. Thus forgiveness is not for them; it is for you.To forgive, according to the dictionary, is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward oneself or others for any perceived wrongdoing, shortcoming, or error. With that definition in mind, forgiving oneself or others turns into an act of compassion. This is because compassion is the act of alleviating sufferings by reaching out to yourself and others especially when you feel that you should be highly critical of yourself or of someone who has wronged you in some way. Forgiving yourself and forgiving others has just that effect.


By now, we have understood that forgiving others is important for our mental peace. But the question is how to forgive others. The answer is, it all starts from forgiving your own self first. Before you can forgive someone else, you must first forgive yourself.


When someone hurts us, the process for forgiving them can be fairly straightforward. We learn this in school or church as children. You might talk about what happened and they share their experience. Or, you don't talk to them, but you gain some perspective and forgive them for the pain they caused you.


Forgiving ourselves can be difficult, but it is worth the effort. Self-forgiveness is self-care, which can lead to healthier relationships and a more peaceful life. Take small steps in forgiving yourself for past mistakes, like facing the truth, acknowledging the guilt, trying a new perspective, setting realistic goals or expectations, and even writing to yourself with kind words. Talk to yourself as you would with a friend.


I know from personal experience that forgiving yourself can be difficult, but it is worth the effort. When I was going through a tough time, I found it helpful to write down my thoughts and feelings in a journal. This allowed me to understand myself better and work through my emotions. It also helped me to keep track of my progress.


You should forgive yourself for several reasons. First, forgiving yourself allows you to let go of the past, which allows you to focus on the present and future. When you forgive your mistakes, you create an opportunity to move on with your life.


Nowhere in the Scriptures are we ever commanded to forgive ourselves, therefore, it is quite inappropriate to speak that way. This notion of forgiving ourselves too often becomes a cover for trying to feel good about ourselves before we have made things right with God and the person(s) against whom we have sinned.


Forgiveness can be challenging for everyone. Whether we are forgiving something small another person did, or something more internal, it can be a process. Few of us simply forgive easily and move on with life. It takes time to get over whatever happened, and it is a process to fully feel okay with forgiveness. When battling mental health issues or addiction, learning to forgive both yourself and others can be a really important step in your recovery journey. If you keep holding onto past trauma and hurt, it will stay with you. By keeping the trauma and hurt with you, it can be hard to form a new, healthy lifestyle. Sometimes you need to forgive to move forward.


Everyone makes mistakes in life. Learning to forgive ourselves is an important part of the recovery journey. Learning to accept our mistakes, acknowledge our feelings, and understand our actions are all part of growing into the person we want to be. Sometimes when we are suffering from an addiction, we find ourselves only focusing on what we did wrong, or the challenges we are trying to overcome. Remembering to forgive yourself for your past is huge. By forgiving yourself you can work to move forward and lead a healthy, happy life.


Using this definition of forgiveness, here is what it means to forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself, you are granting yourself a pardon or ceasing to feel resentment against yourself for something you have done wrong or sins you have committed. I want to be clear that forgiving yourself is not something that begins with you. Forgiving yourself is not a primary step but a secondary one and can only happen if certain prior conditions are met. Let me explain those conditions so you will know why you can and, ultimately, why you must forgive yourself. 350c69d7ab


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